I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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