"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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