I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
There r osticjed everywhere
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
