tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
