I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
