I feel like abortions should bother me more
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
