Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize