swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
