tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Less talking, more tequila
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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