There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
