Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
