is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
