she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
