I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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