i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
