I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
