i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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