i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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