It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
