Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize