Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
