i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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