Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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