i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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