My room smells like vodka and shame
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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