Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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