Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
