I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
