I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
