angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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