I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
