It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
