They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
