why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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