A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Where did you get a picture of my penis
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
