So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize