this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
