Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just forgot I was standing up.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize