At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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