Rock
Scissors
Fuck
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
