I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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