yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
