Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
