The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
