This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize