omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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