I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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