went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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