I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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