I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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