how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
