I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Someone came in the potted fern
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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