i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
