Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
