ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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