We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
