also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
