you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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