I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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