i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
