I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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