PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
