Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
