i just wanna soil my oats bro
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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