You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
