i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
