By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
