Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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