**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
