He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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