I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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