having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
