OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
